Our Unstructured Un-schooling to structured Home Education Journey:
Part 2
This cycle trip was not a whim. We worked for 2 years towards this trip.
We still unschooled but slowly started to reintroduce bedtimes and screen-time control, regulate food etc.
We started using worksheets just to see where the kids were at. (this is a carnal sin according to the Unschoolers philosophy)
What we saw was that our kids were very far behind for their ages - not just in comparison to their peers, but with what they themselves used to know and be able to do! They had regressed, not progressed! This was deemed normal and for us not to worry as they would find their fit eventually...
One of the biggest elements with the unschooling philosophy that was often presented/taught and that we totally reject: was that kids are the same level (practically peers) as parents - In choices and position of decisions for the family. That children have the ability to make life choices without the experience or instruction to do so.
Respectfully we say: this is totally erroneous and in our opinion extremely dangerous.
(One example we saw was of a family that planned a holiday. They saved for a couple of years and were going for this special road trip. Suddenly a week before the trip the oldest of 3, a young lad of 12, decided he no longer wanted to go. So, after much debate and grumpiness in that home, they decided not to go at all. So a whole family misses out because one tweens grump? And to add insult to injury, in the week in which they were meant to be on the trip he changes his mind and now wants to go, but Hotels and an excursion to a theme park had all been canceled at a great loss financially to the parents! Again this is not parenting... He was not special needs. He was not going to be damaged if he was told that the rest of the family was not going to miss out because of him. Yet the unschooling group applauded the parent on preserving his rights, some even suggesting they re-book and go now that he was happy to do so.)
Children most definitely are "Little Humans" with rights and abilities. For sure! We don't challenge nor debate that. But it doesn't change the fact that there is a hierarchy in the family, and children are not positioned at the top. They can not make life choices with the same understanding of consequence as we do. Hence why we are the parents, and not them.
We as parents, with our experiences and life are to direct children on a path. That path can be changed, shaken up and adjusted as needed, but we as parents have the responsibility over the children. Not the other way around and certainly not on the same level.
You as the parent are responsible for their development. Kids are not. (So them WANTING to watch spongebob squarepants all day doesn't mean they should.)
Just as you are responsible for their health. Kids are not! (So them wanting sweets everyday or to binge eat cereal or to never eat veggies is not a good idea - ever.)
There is already a grand social experiment with food that has already gone horribly wrong, and it starts at home. This is just fact.
The child disease epidemic we are facing in the modern world comes more and more from this entitlement and lack of rule attitude that has been adopted by many. Demographics, economics, social standing etc all have a role to play of course. But if we do not instruct our children in right and wrong so that they can "work it out themselves" we add to the problem. If it feels good, tastes good, looks good, they want it - without understanding the consequences! Heck, look at certain adults!
Children can want to be whatever they want to be - they have that right of course. But it doesn't have to exclude everything else.
I know many children that wanted to be Policeman, or Firefighters or astronauts. But as they were exposed to new things, new ideas, new ideologies, their interested shifted. They found their passions elsewhere even if they did go on to become their desired profession, they learned and accomplished other achievements in other areas/disciplines making them even more apt to their desired life course.
We still unschooled but slowly started to reintroduce bedtimes and screen-time control, regulate food etc.
We started using worksheets just to see where the kids were at. (this is a carnal sin according to the Unschoolers philosophy)
What we saw was that our kids were very far behind for their ages - not just in comparison to their peers, but with what they themselves used to know and be able to do! They had regressed, not progressed! This was deemed normal and for us not to worry as they would find their fit eventually...
One of the biggest elements with the unschooling philosophy that was often presented/taught and that we totally reject: was that kids are the same level (practically peers) as parents - In choices and position of decisions for the family. That children have the ability to make life choices without the experience or instruction to do so.
Respectfully we say: this is totally erroneous and in our opinion extremely dangerous.
(One example we saw was of a family that planned a holiday. They saved for a couple of years and were going for this special road trip. Suddenly a week before the trip the oldest of 3, a young lad of 12, decided he no longer wanted to go. So, after much debate and grumpiness in that home, they decided not to go at all. So a whole family misses out because one tweens grump? And to add insult to injury, in the week in which they were meant to be on the trip he changes his mind and now wants to go, but Hotels and an excursion to a theme park had all been canceled at a great loss financially to the parents! Again this is not parenting... He was not special needs. He was not going to be damaged if he was told that the rest of the family was not going to miss out because of him. Yet the unschooling group applauded the parent on preserving his rights, some even suggesting they re-book and go now that he was happy to do so.)
Children most definitely are "Little Humans" with rights and abilities. For sure! We don't challenge nor debate that. But it doesn't change the fact that there is a hierarchy in the family, and children are not positioned at the top. They can not make life choices with the same understanding of consequence as we do. Hence why we are the parents, and not them.
We as parents, with our experiences and life are to direct children on a path. That path can be changed, shaken up and adjusted as needed, but we as parents have the responsibility over the children. Not the other way around and certainly not on the same level.
You as the parent are responsible for their development. Kids are not. (So them WANTING to watch spongebob squarepants all day doesn't mean they should.)
Just as you are responsible for their health. Kids are not! (So them wanting sweets everyday or to binge eat cereal or to never eat veggies is not a good idea - ever.)
There is already a grand social experiment with food that has already gone horribly wrong, and it starts at home. This is just fact.
The child disease epidemic we are facing in the modern world comes more and more from this entitlement and lack of rule attitude that has been adopted by many. Demographics, economics, social standing etc all have a role to play of course. But if we do not instruct our children in right and wrong so that they can "work it out themselves" we add to the problem. If it feels good, tastes good, looks good, they want it - without understanding the consequences! Heck, look at certain adults!
Children can want to be whatever they want to be - they have that right of course. But it doesn't have to exclude everything else.
I know many children that wanted to be Policeman, or Firefighters or astronauts. But as they were exposed to new things, new ideas, new ideologies, their interested shifted. They found their passions elsewhere even if they did go on to become their desired profession, they learned and accomplished other achievements in other areas/disciplines making them even more apt to their desired life course.
Our 3 little helpers. Part of the team. We do things together. Not exclusively for them - or them for us.
This does not mean that unschooling is wrong per say. The fundamental principle is child involvement in learning and life, as well as using life experiences for learning. This is absolutely true. This we support and encourage. But where some people have gone astray is giving up their parental role to allow children to "rule the roost".
You can raise "wild, curious, spontaneous, artistic, beautiful thinkers" without having to go to extremes - with no rules.
Unschooling works when done right. What we have seen is Unschooling done wrong in our opinion. Bad advice given:
We have seen parents despairing when their 9-10 year old would eat through 5Kg (!) of sweets in a couple of days, and then when she topped up he would do it again, and the advice was that she continue to allow the child to do this so that "he learns to self regulate". This is not parenting!
When one mum offered a very reasonable solution of limiting the sweets to a handful a day, she was told off for it.
There are many many examples of this.
Unschooling should be the part of every child's life... where learning takes many forms and kids learn to do new things and take risks.
But I fear that unschooling has been hijacked somewhat, publicized and highlighted... and the result is the local councils, officers and media have taken an interest: especially when seeing children who don't know how to read or write or do maths at age 12, and spend their days either in bed or on a games console.
This has been our experience.